Raising the Good Child: How a Filipino Mom Does It

// April 14th, 2007

Pinay mothers are one of the most loving of all moms. You know that that’s actually an understatement if you’re a child of one. Here are some noteworthy ways of a Filipina mom in bringing up her kids.

Family ties. The Filipino family is an extended family. The Filipino mother, having been raised in a tight-knit household herself, encourages her child to recognize this as he grows up. More often than not, a Filipino mother would not leave her kid to a stranger, so she takes him to lola or lolo or tita. To the Filipino child, the family is always made up of more than just Tatay, Nanay, Ate and Kuya. This arrangement gives the child extra nurturing from close relatives. Values prevalent in the family is enforced and reinforced through constant contact and interaction with family members. A strong family bond gives the child a sense of security and his first sense of solidity, assuring him that no matter where he is or whoever he will turn out to be, he will always have a place to go home to.

Respect for elders. Even today, Filipino children are encouraged by their mothers to show respect to members of the family by touching that elder’s hand to their forehead. This practice encourages the young one to recognize authority and hierarchy and appreciate the wisdom that comes with age. This practice also teaches the child a sense of gratitude for the legacy bestowed on him by his elders through their own history and assures him of the future by giving him a sense of continuity.

A sense of “hiya”. From a young age, a Filipino child is exposed to a sense of “hiya” or shame. While this can turn into a negative trait if allowed to overpower his personality, hiya introduces the child to what is appropriate and what is unacceptable. He learns that, as a member of society, certain behaviors can affect his relationships to himself and to his community. This is not to say that the child must live with a regimented ‘prim and proper’ set of behavior, but he is made aware of what is expected of him as a child, friend, neighbor and member of the human race.

Spare the rod. The Filipino mother is a strict parent. Imposing discipline with a stick is a common practice in the Philippines. In Western countries, this might send a mother to jail or put her under supervised probation, but the Filipino mother knows that discipline, when enforced within the bounds of love, respect, concern and a pre-agreed set of rules, may just be what a child needs to help him identify and respect limits. Spoil the child and you lead him to believe that no line was drawn anywhere and he just might cross it without understanding that he shouldn’t have.

A show of affection. Filipinos are warm, affectionate people, not shy about touching, kissing and hugging. These manifestations of affinity extends even to strangers. A foreigner may see Filipinos as eager invaders of personal space, but our culture and traditions have taught us that touching is a drawing in, into a welcoming circle of friends and family, a way to say you are safe among us and we welcome you to share what we have. Affection builds the Filipino child’s confidence in himself and teaches him tolerance, trust and generosity.

Respect for nature. Filipinos are innately superstitious. Beliefs and practices abound to this day and differ in form and substance from one region to the next. It is not unusual to see a Filipino knock on wood, bite his tongue or ask permission from the trees to walk by. This tribute is not done out of ignorance, but is a deeply rooted practice of our ancestors who revered nature and understood the necessity to respect it for its power to both nurture and destroy. Even today, children are still encouraged to acknowledge the existence of forces beyond their control and to work with these forces to gain a peaceful life.

Belief in magic. Filipino folklore is rich in magic and enchantment. Children grow up listening to tales of ordinary men triumphant against the evil giants or of the honest maiden who overcomes impossible odds to save her loved ones. Does a Filipino mother really need to encourage her children to suspend their disbelief for a while to revel in superhuman acts of courage and strength? In a world that has become jaded and harsh, she does recognize that there is a need for children to believe that yes, good can triumph over evil, there is reason enough to hope and honesty is a source of strength. The Filipino mother knows that with what her child will deal with as an adult, he will have this well of strength to tap into when the time comes.